I admit it. I’m struggling. Struggling to make sense of it all. Struggling to find a way through. Struggling with this ‘new world’ existence, this strange dystopian dream that has become our life.
In the past I enjoyed watching and reading Sci-fi novels and movies, but these days the ‘real world’ seems stranger than fiction. You only need to turn on the news in the morning to wonder whether you’re house has been whipped up in a tornado, while you slept, and planted you in Munchkin Land; except you aren’t surrounded by little people, but instead met with a strange new species that cover their faces with cloth.
Or worse, last night you died in your sleep and have awoken with a starring role in George Orwell’s chilling novel, 1984. You find your every move dictated by ‘Big Brother,’ the mere thought of rebellion, known as ‘Thoughtcrimes’ — are punishable by death and the only information you have access to is ‘Newspeak” — fake news and party propaganda controlled by politicians.
Does this sound at all familiar? Chillingly so!
“We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto!”
In less than six months the life we once knew has been turned upside down and inside out. Flipped on its head, gone topsy-turvy, gone mad — basically become a Sci-fi movie.
There’s no escaping it, it’s everywhere you turn. In the past six months we have had to face up to; a worldwide pandemic (hello Covid19), systemic racism, social injustice & inequality (police brutality), riots, lockdowns, curfews, economic meltdown (it’s not over yet), rising unemployment (12% of the population in the US alone) and climate change (the world is dying).
It’s a lot! And to be honest — I’m not sure I’m handling it very well.
I’m trying to do the right things; keeping busy (with no week days or weekends though, I’m working more than ever), staying positive (when I can), meditating (daily), journaling (daily), exercising (daily — well, some days) — still it’s weird.
Let’s face it, it’s really fucking weird (and scary).
You only need to step outside your door to see how strange things are.
Facemasks! Everywhere. Not only on faces either; they litter the streets and beaches as a constant reminder. Whether you are for them or against them — they’re weird. A constant reminder that life is different now.
I have waves, waves of optimism, waves of hope and calm. These are the good waves, happy waves, the kind of waves that wash over you and give you strength and the courage to carry on.
On these days I get stuff done. I feel motivated and inspired. I write, read, video chat with friends & family and dream about a better future. ‘You got this’ I tell myself, ‘this too shall pass,’ ‘we’re in this together,’ ‘things will get better!’
But then the tide turns and waves of anger, frustration and despair crash through my brain. In those moments I feel lost, helpless and sad! Sad about how much we have lost, disillusioned with the world. My optimism dissipates into nothing more than a puddle and I’m paralysed with fear; fear of the future, fear for the health of my family and friends, fear of economic collapse, fear of the end of the world etc. etc. etc.
On those days all I want to do is stay in bed or have a cocktail maybe — at 9AM! All I want to do is sleep, in the vain hope that this nightmare we are all living will be dragged back out to sea with the tide and the calm waves of hope will return. What’s the point, I ask myself over and over again. What hope is there?
I have never felt so helpless or hopeless, so moody and out of control.
And that there is the real problem — it’s not within our control. None of it. Nada! It’s in the hands of ‘Big Brother’ whether we like it or not.
And on top of that — we don’t know shit, not really! We know the world has changed of course. We know things are bad, but that’s all we know for sure.
The rest…the rest is just opinion, fake news, political narrative and statistics spun in different ways depending on the story ‘they’ want to tell or the solution ‘they’ want to sell.
Let’s face it — we don’t know shit!
In the early days there were more good waves than bad or at least a semblance of balance. These days I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of unknowns. How long will this go on? Should I believe what I’m hearing? What will life be like after this? Will I have to wear a facemask forever? When will I be able to visit my family in Europe? Am I going to get Covid19? Have I already had it? Is the world really going to end? Will things ever get back to ‘normal’ I find myself wondering? Do I want them too?
The answer to these questions is undoubtedly, I don’t know. No one knows. Well, maybe the man from Oz does, but hey — I’m struggling to find my own Yellow Brick Road so there’s little hope of me finding The Wizard!
I’ll keep going — of course, just as you will. We’ll keep riding the waves and hoping that smooth sailing is somewhere on the horizon.
We’ll find our way out of this or through it, at some point — find our balance.
Things will change in the next six months just as they have in the last, just as they always do.
The world will keep turning.
I’ll keep whispering WTF to myself twenty times a day and eventually we will all find our way home.
In the meantime could someone please point me in the direction of The Yellow Brick Road!!
Claire @simplyclp is a freelance fashion designer, part time writer and first time novelist. If you like what you read please subscribe to her blog at 5reasons2.com and for a daily dose of inspiration, motivation and humour follow @fivereasons2 on IG.